Deja Vu all over again

A couple of days ago I pulled out my old binder from when I worked with a personal trainer.  I met with her a couple of times to be evaluated and to learn my exercise routines.  I then gave her my daily eating/workout logs once a week.  She would suggest changes for the week.  While I worked with Angie, I lost about 35 or 40 pounds.

While I was looking at the binder, I shocked when I saw the dates on my daily sheets.  It was 5 years ago that I started with Angie.  5 years.  And what do I have to show? I'm at least 30 pounds heavier than my starting weight.

I went back to my old blog to see what I had been doing back at the beginning of 2008.  And I found this post:

Growing up, I always felt like the fat girl. Oh how I wish I was that "fat" now. When I got married, I weighed about 150 pounds. For the next 10 or 12 years, I gained about 10 pounds a year. No super quick weight gain. No illness, pregnancy, or other event to blame it on. Then my Daddy died. He was 61, and always seemed so strong. But his heart gave out. My mom had already been on heart meds for 10 years. I realized I needed to do something--and fast. I talked to my doctor and started making some changes. I gained and lost the same 20-40 pounds a few times over the following 9 years. Yes. 9 years. Saturday (January 26th) marks 9 years since Daddy went to meet Jesus. His polio stricken legs now longer hold him back.

9 years and what do I have to show for it? I'm still sitting right where I was 9 years ago. I have the same bad habits (Pepsi and chocolate). I still hate to exercise. And I'm still carrying an extra 100+ pounds.

But I'm ready to change. When I see the doctor on Wednesday, I'm going to ask for help. Maybe I can see a nutritionist who can help guide me. I might even check into hiring a personal trainer to keep me on track. But I am determined that this is the year my journey will start. This year (October) I turn 39. I know losing weight and getting in shape won't be easier in my 40s.

As Bob (from Biggest Loser) says, "Game on!"

Wow.  5 years and I'm back where I was before.  What do I need to do to make it stick this time?  Last time, I lost focus when my daughter (almost 5) had a seizure and was hospitalized.  I have to find a way to keep going--no matter what the world throws at me.  The song Thankful by Caedmon's Call has been on my mind all weekend.

I ran across an old box of letters

While I was baggin up some clothes for Goodwill

You know I had to laugh that the same old struggles

That plagued me then are plaguing me still

I know the road is long from ground to glory

But a boy can hope he's getting some place

Cademon's Call Thankful